Time to get real. With you. But even more importantly, with myself.
I’ve really let myself go over the last decade+. Physically yes, but even more so, emotionally. Taking care of my folks, having an 11+ pound baby, job search stress, losing my parents, leaving CA, moving to Seattle, ending a 7 year relationship with my daughter’s dad… You name it, I’ve pretty much let it be an excuse for not taking care of myself.
But the wake up call has arrived.
About two weeks ago, I went to my doctor with yet another infection. I’ve been feeling poorly for MONTHS, if not longer, but I couldn’t deny it one more day. She ran a bunch of tests that day, told me what she suspected, and sure enough! Less than a week later, I got the diagnosis.
Type II Diabetes.
Oh yay. Just what I need.
But in a weird way, it’s also a blessing. Because frankly, I’m not sure if anything else would have given me enough of a shock to finally get me off my arse to DO SOMETHING about taking care of myself. For reals.
I’m 45 years old. It’s time. I can’t spend the rest of my life looking or feeling this bad. For my daughter’s sake. For MY sake.
And so it begins with honesty. This is me. All eleventy-billion pounds of me. I have a long way to go. It ain’t gonna be easy. A lot of the things I’ve done for the past 20+ years with regard to diet, exercise, self-care, etc. must change. Drastically. I will need you to help me through this. I will need you to prop me up when I feel like I can’t do it, to cheer when I make headway, and to remind me to be gentle with myself when I stumble.
I’m not good at asking for help. You know this about me. It was a big reason for my relationship failing (at least in my mind it was). How can a partner, friends, family, co-workers, etc. “win” if I won’t even let them in, let them help, let them take care of me? How can they feel needed, trusted, cherished or valued in my life if I’m always leaving them out, excluding them, doing things MY way, isolating, pushing away, trying to be “strong”, all to a fault?
I have said it before, and I’ll say it again, I don’t do vulnerable. I don’t do weak. I don’t do needy. But hells bells, maybe it’s about time I do just that.
So what do you say mah peeps, will you help me?